S3ep28 || Adjusting As You Go
It's so interesting how much you can always learn about your friends. And in this episode, Cait learns a lot about her friend, Amelia Duncombe.
It's so interesting how much you can always learn about your friends. And in this episode, Cait learns a lot about her friend, Amelia Duncombe. She's an actress, a producer, and one of Cait’s good friends. She met Sara when they went out for a similar role. And she's the one who booked it, but they stayed friends. Amelia and Cait talk a lot about the differences in their journeys, what it was like growing up in Australia with the drinking culture there compared to the United States, and how medication can help assist recovery. This discussion will teach you that a label isn't necessary in order to live a sober lifestyle. Amelia shares the ups and downs she experienced going alcohol-free, the many attempts at trying to fit puzzle pieces in places that didn’t work, and the constant experimentation to find what worked best for her and her only.
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EP 28 - Amelia Duncombe
[00:00:00] Amelia: There's something that the body does when it drinks alcohol. It feels like you're in a warm bath. And I had to like figure out how to like, replace that feeling of like warmth that it brings to the body, because that's the kind of feeling that I was craving.
[00:00:16] Cait: Welcome to the Clearheaded podcast, your guide to sober care.
[00:00:20] Cait: I'm your host, Cait, and I'm so glad that you're here. Maybe you're on your way to work, or you're ready to wind down for the night, whatever the case may be - I'm really happy to be here with you. All of these episodes drop in on people's moments of clarity surrounding their sobriety. Before we get started on this conversation, I want to ground each other with a little bit of breathwork.
[00:00:43] Cait: Let's start by taking a big, deep breath in...and out.
[00:00:53] Cait: Okay. Let's get Clearheaded.
[00:00:57] Cait: It's so interesting how much you can always learn about your friends. And in this episode, I learn a lot about my friend, Amelia Duncombe. She's an actress, a producer, and one of my good friends. She met Sara when they went out for a similar role.
[00:01:16] Cait: And she's the one who booked it, but we stayed friends. We talk a lot about one, the differences in our journey, how medication can help assist recovery and how a label isn't necessary in order to live a sober lifestyle.
[00:01:38] Amelia: I'm really terrible with dates, but I'm almost positive it was 2017. I was actually recovering from a drug addiction and instead of going completely sober on everything, I chose to keep drinking.
[00:01:55] Cait: Okay.
[00:01:55] Amelia: And it got to a point where I was drinking like a bottle of wine a night at times.
[00:02:01] Cait: Yeah.
[00:02:01] Amelia: So I remember waking up and not being hungover and just thinking, Whoa. Like I drink excessively and I'm not hungover and I'm gonna probably drink excessively again tonight.
[00:02:16] Cait: Yeah.
[00:02:16] Amelia: And get that feeling of like comfort from this liquid.
[00:02:21] Amelia: And I didn't like that about myself. I didn't like that I couldn't just be okay with being me. So I actually went and got help from a psychiatrist and she explained to me that I obviously had an alcohol dependency. But there's something that the body does when it drinks alcohol.
[00:02:42] Amelia: Like it feels like you're in a warm bath. And I had to like, figure out how to like, replace that feeling of like warmth that it brings to the body. Because that's the kind of feeling that I was craving.
[00:02:56] Cait: Wow.
[00:02:56] Amelia: Yeah. So.
[00:02:57] Cait: Did you take a lot of warm baths?
I did actually. Yeah. Yeah, but I also I ended up taking this... she gave me a tablet to try and help me wean myself off the alcohol. So that if I would drink, it would make me...
[00:03:13] Amelia: ...like the chemical would just like stop me from wanting to have more, because that's the thing that I couldn't do. I couldn't just have one glass of wine. I had to have a whole bottle, or I couldn't have one vodka on the rocks or whatever.
[00:03:25] Amelia: I never had vodka on the rocks. Why would I say that? Vodka soda or something, you know? It would be like eight. I couldn't just have one drink and enjoy it.
[00:03:34] Cait: You and I are the same in that.
[00:03:35] Amelia: Yeah. It's like excessive.
[00:03:37] Cait: Yeah.
[00:03:37] Amelia: All or nothing.
[00:03:38] Cait: Even when I try, I would be like, I can just have one.
[00:03:42] Amelia: Nope.
[00:03:42] Cait: Doesn't work for me. One glass turns to one bottle for me too.
[00:03:45] Amelia: Yeah.
[00:03:46] Cait: That's so interesting that medication really helped you because I've had people in my life who have gone on that too. Like actually my childhood, I remember that being like a source of comfort that was said to me like, Oh, don't worry, they're on this medication.
[00:04:02] Amelia: Right.
[00:04:02] Cait: If they do, then it makes 'em really sick.
[00:04:04] Amelia: Right.
[00:04:05] Cait: And I think there's a whole world out there now, which is just so cool.
[00:04:09] Amelia: Yeah.
[00:04:09] Cait: That people have figured out how to kind of block the receptors that your brain gets from the drink. So how long did you use that medication? And what was it like making the transition from the medication to not having it?
[00:04:27] Amelia: So I used it for about a month. I think it was like a six month pack that I could use. And I could go off it whenever I like...it wouldn't affect you. You wouldn't have any ups or downs or whatever. But I used it sporadically.
[00:04:39] Amelia: So, because I didn't have an addiction, it was a dependency. It made it easier for me to just use it whenever I felt it was necessary.
[00:04:50] Cait: Yeah.
[00:04:50] Amelia: So I did it for about a month and then I was completely sober. And then I moved over to America 2018, and I brought them with me. Just as like, you know, a safe feeling. And that was very interesting because it was like I was starting my life over again and meeting new people.
[00:05:11] Amelia: And what's the first thing you do? You go out for a drink. And I had to like, you know, pretend that I was... I would get like a soda water in lime to make it look like I was drinking to like, make me feel comfortable.
[00:05:23] Cait: Yeah.
[00:05:24] Amelia: Without having to like...
[00:05:26] Cait: Give your full rundown.
[00:05:27] Amelia: Exactly, you know?
[00:05:29] Amelia: Like word vomit to people.
[00:05:31] Cait: Hey, nice to meet you. I'm actually not gonna drink because this is before I was doing this, then I went blah, blah, blah. I know. It's the weight that I think people feel, even if they're not, I mean, there are plenty of people now. And I think we know some of them of like people who just choose not to drink because it's better for them.
[00:05:48] Cait: Not because they have an addiction or, even really an unhealthy dependency. It just doesn't work for them.
[00:05:55] Amelia: Yeah.
[00:05:55] Cait: But even in that, even in that simple of choice, there's a whole explanation expected when you don't drink.
[00:06:03] Amelia: Exactly. The questions and the assumptions as well. And like the, you know, oh, I remember one person, I was like, I'm not gonna drink.
[00:06:11] Amelia: And so she went around telling people I was like a alcoholic. And I was like, well one, what does that matter? And two, that's not, you know...
[00:06:22] Cait: Accurate.
[00:06:22] Amelia: Yeah, exactly. And there's, there's that shame with like, oh, you can't handle your alcohol.
[00:06:29] Cait: Right.
[00:06:30] Amelia: There must be something wrong with you.
[00:06:31] Cait: Right.
[00:06:32] Amelia: And yeah, I can't handle it, you know? And that's my choice. That's my choice to not drink anymore.
[00:06:41] Cait: It's a good choice.
[00:06:42] Amelia: Yeah, I think so. I mean, I've fallen off the wagon and gotten back on and you know, it hasn't been like a...
[00:06:49] Cait: Linear journey.
[00:06:50] Amelia: Right? Yeah. And I went through a phase of like, oh, I'm gonna take the pills so that I can be around people that drink.
[00:06:59] Cait: Mm-hmm.
[00:06:59] Amelia: And then I'm gonna be able to have a drink.
[00:07:01] Cait: Mm-hmm.
[00:07:03] Amelia: Or I did this thing where I would give myself two days out of the year where I would drink and it would be my birthday and New Year's.
[00:07:09] Cait: Mm-hmm.
[00:07:10] Amelia: And I would just end up completely blotto, like off my face. I remember the day that I had to go pick up Winston, my dog.
[00:07:20] Cait: And Passion's best friend, my dog. They love each other.
[00:07:24] Amelia: It was New Year's day and the night before it was New Year's Eve obviously. And I got so blackout drunk that I had to like crawl down the stairs to go and pick Winston up, which was supposed to be this like really beautiful wonder.
[00:07:39] Cait: You mean pick him up for the first time?
[00:07:41] Amelia: For the first time? Yeah.
[00:07:43] Cait: Oh my goodness!
[00:07:44] Amelia: And I was like throwing up in the cab on the way there cause I had to pick him up from the airport.
[00:07:50] Cait: Oh, my goodness.
[00:07:51] Amelia: You know, and I'm like hung over and how can I enjoy that feeling when I'm all... I feel nauseous and you know, I don't want to really be a human.
[00:08:02] Cait: Yeah.
[00:08:03] Amelia: So I would do things like that. And that's when I kind of realized like, this is...it's not helping me at all. It's not helping me with my life. I also feel physically ill when I drink the next day. I'm like throwing up all the time. Like, no matter how much I drink it just happens it's just like that. But, you know, now I'm just like no alcohol.
[00:08:28] Cait: Yeah. I really love that you... thanks for saying all of that. Because honestly, I think that's what most people's journey is like. Even if they take it like you zoom out before you get to the absolutely no drinking substances, anything. There's a lot of trying to fit puzzle pieces in places that don't work.
[00:08:53] Amelia: Yeah.
[00:08:53] Cait: And some kind of do, and it's maybe too tight or, you know, it's just totally the wrong puzzle altogether. But there's this almost necessary portion of sobriety and the journey to that, that requires a lot of experimentation.
[00:09:13] Amelia: Yeah.
[00:09:14] Cait: And being like graceful and giving yourself grace on those choices, because shame really doesn't breed evolution.
[00:09:21] Cait: Kindness does.
[00:09:23] Amelia: Yeah.
[00:09:23] Cait: And if you look back, like I'm sure you do now at those versions of Amelia who was trying to make it happen.
[00:09:29] Amelia: Yeah.
[00:09:31] Cait: You were just trying your best, you know? And trying to deal with something that our world is so literally soaked.
[00:09:40] Amelia: Yeah.
[00:09:40] Cait: It like...America. I mean, what is it like difference wise, like culturally - Australia versus America?
[00:09:47] Amelia: I would say it's very much the same, but, like to an excessive level.
[00:09:56] Cait: Okay.
[00:09:56] Amelia: Like when it comes to alcohol, I mean, we can drink when we're 18, but everyone's drinking when they're, you know, 14, 15.
[00:10:03] Cait: Yeah.
[00:10:03] Amelia: And we drink to get drunk.
[00:10:05] Cait: Yeah.
[00:10:05] Amelia: Like we drink to an excess.Maybe because like where I'm from in Brisbane, it was boring.
[00:10:13] Amelia: So people would just like drink to like have fun.
[00:10:16] Cait: Yea.
[00:10:16] Amelia: And it's very accepted, you know, to be that way. Like, you know, everyone wants to hear the funny drunk stories and all that kind of stuff, you know?
[00:10:27] Cait: Mm-hmm.
[00:10:27] Amelia: It's always... it's very accepted. And I think the difference here is that, it's kind of like half and half.
[00:10:33] Amelia: Like there's like people that get really wasted and then there's people that just like enjoy drinking.
[00:10:37] Cait: Right.
[00:10:37] Amelia: You know, you can have a social time and not get totally wasted. But I mean, if you went into any pub or bar or anything or nightclub, you'd see so many drunk off you face people in Australia for sure.
[00:10:53] Cait: That's interesting. I mean, I think there's like parts of American culture that are very excessive. I mean, let's be honest, American culture is super excessive.
[00:11:03] Amelia: Yes.
[00:11:03] Cait: Excessive at shopping, excessive on food. Like the largest portions in the world like of everything. Everything is supersized.
[00:11:11] Amelia: Yeah.
[00:11:11] Cait: Sara and I are laughing because I really love cotton toilet paper. I really do. And our apartment is like built in the 1920s and the toilet paper roll is like in the wall.
[00:11:25] Amelia: Yes.
[00:11:26] Cait: And now we can't find one roll of toilet paper that will fit in that cubby.
[00:11:32] Amelia: Oh my God.
[00:11:33] Cait: So, I mean, I think that's like a visual representation of like, just how much everything is like excess and have everything more, but...
[00:11:42] Cait: ...taking it even smaller and kind of like zooming in more outside, like zooming in past the culture of where you grew up and the people. What about your family? What was that dynamic like?
[00:11:56] Amelia: So my mom doesn't drink. I mean, she does, she does now.But when we were growing up, she didn't drink at all. There wasn't much focus on it.
[00:12:05] Amelia: They would have a wine every so often. And I mean, every so often is in like once a year.
[00:12:11] Cait: Wow.
[00:12:11] Amelia: Like they didn't drink. Like my dad would have a beer and whatever, but they didn't really drink until we got well into our teens and, you know, twenties and stuff like that. Like they drink now, but mom never drinks excessively.
[00:12:25] Amelia: My dad can get there. And then my sister doesn't really drink excessively at all. My brother doesn't drink full stop. But growing up, so my story kind of, I guess, the reason why I drank was to not be me.
[00:12:44] Cait: Mm-hmm.
[00:12:45] Amelia: I used to hate myself so much that I wanted to be somebody else. And that's what substances would do for me.
[00:12:52] Amelia: I could, one, shut those voices off in my head that were telling me that I was terrible. And two, it allowed me to be, what I perceived to be as like the fun Amelia. And so the first time I ever drank was when I was like 16 or no, I think I was 15. I'd just moved schools. I was trying to fit in with the cool kids.
[00:13:13] Amelia: And I got so drunk that my parents came and picked me up and I was throwing up in the car. And mom sat me down with everyone at the family, my sister, my brother, my dad, and then her and me. And she made me tea. And she made me drink the tea. And I had to explain to her why I was drinking. And of course I had no idea at that time, you know?
[00:13:39] Cait: Right.
[00:13:40] Amelia: What really was going on. But that was basically the beginning of my substance abuses from that point on.
[00:13:48] Cait: Wow.
[00:13:49] Amelia: Yeah, it was really...I definitely know that as the day that things changed.
[00:13:55] Cait: Like why did it change?
[00:13:59] Amelia: I think because I found a way to silence myself inside.
[00:14:05] Cait: Mm-hmm.
[00:14:06] Amelia: And then also I guess like being mischievous and being going against the grain was something that I really enjoyed.
[00:14:16] Amelia: I don't know. Maybe it was this battle that I had. My mom and I are very similar. And so like when I was a teenager, it was wild, you know? I was very, very vocal. I was, you know? I wasn't until I changed schools. Before I changed schools, I was very studious. You know, I was trying to be a good daughter, a good sister, a good this, a good that.
[00:14:42] Amelia: And then as soon as I changed schools, things just like went really downhill. I was taking ecstasy and doing like really crazy stuff again, to like be a different person.
[00:14:54] Cait: Yeah.
[00:14:54] Amelia: And I think there was like a part of me that might have been like punishing my mom a little bit for it.
[00:15:01] Cait: Yeah.
[00:15:03] Amelia: Yeah, I think that's kind of why everything really started. I saw how maybe it was my brain going, oh, she doesn't like this. Okay I'm gonna do more of it, you know?
[00:15:14] Cait: Yeah.
[00:15:15] Amelia: And be that kid that I wasn't, you know? Stop being that nice good daughter and sister and just be whoever I want to be.
[00:15:25] Cait: Yeah.
[00:15:26] Amelia: You know?
[00:15:26] Cait: Yeah.
[00:15:27] Amelia: Very weird, but yeah.
[00:15:28] Cait: Not weird. I think it's super common. I mean it, like, we always wanna rebel and do things and have control, especially when we're like young. Like you couldn't genuinely pay me money to go back to my youth.
[00:15:41] Amelia: Oh, me either. Oh my gosh.
[00:15:42] Cait: Everybody's like, Oh, I'm getting older.
[00:15:44] Cait: I'm like, please. I don't wanna go back.
[00:15:47] Amelia: No. Oh my gosh, no.
[00:15:49] Cait: The lack of control, the lack of self-awareness. The lack of understanding feelings and like alcohol, like for me, kept me in such that like young mind state of not understanding things, because it was so absent for a good chunk of like my life.
[00:16:05] Amelia: Yeah.
[00:16:05] Cait: Didn't even realize it until I got sober how just tuned out I was.
[00:16:11] Cait: So, we've gone through your childhood. We kind of understand that. We understand where you are now, the ebbs, the flows, the trials, the tribulation. You're here now. How do you define your relationship with alcohol now?
[00:16:27] Amelia: I try not to put labels on things for me because as soon as there's a label, I just like, think about it all the time.
[00:16:37] Cait: Yeah.
[00:16:38] Amelia: So I kind of, for me, I don't drink and that's just what it is, you know?
[00:16:43] Cait: Yeah.
[00:16:43] Amelia: Like if people ask me why, I just say, I just don't want to.
[00:16:48] Cait: Yeah.
[00:16:48] Amelia: You know? So you know, I still consider myself to have a dependency. So like, I wouldn't say that I'm sober. I wouldn't say even though I don't drink I'm...you know, I'm just not a drinker.
[00:17:03] Cait: I like that answer. I think it's like good for people to understand that you don't have to label yourself.
[00:17:08] Amelia: Yeah.
[00:17:08] Cait: You really don't. If it's helpful for you, do it.
[00:17:13] Amelia: Yeah.
[00:17:13] Cait: Those labels can change also. I think the pressure of like, once you say like, Oh, I'm sober, that pressure...
[00:17:21] Amelia: ...It's so heavy.
[00:17:22] Cait: It can really crack you.
[00:17:24] Amelia: Yeah.
[00:17:24] Cait: And it's like that Slingshot effect of like, you pull back so tight one way. And you can only handle it so much. And then you're gonna just go fully across the room.
[00:17:34] Amelia: Yeah.
[00:17:35] Cait: So I appreciate that. And you are married?
[00:17:40] Amelia: Yes.
[00:17:41] Cait: And your partner also doesn't really indulge.
[00:17:45] Amelia: Yeah, no.
[00:17:46] Cait: Was that something that you guys talked about when you were dating?
[00:17:49] Amelia: Yeah. I mean, yeah, definitely. We kind of have a, we don't really look back. Which is really nice.
[00:17:58] Cait: Mm-hmm.
[00:17:58] Amelia: So it's, about like moving forward with our choices.
[00:18:02] Cait: Mm-hmm.
[00:18:02] Amelia: But he doesn't like the taste of alcohol.
[00:18:05] Cait: I mean who does? If you say you do, you're lying girl. I used to also love the way a smokey rapsodo taste.
[00:18:12] Cait: No, no, no, no, no. I wanted to get blackout drunk.
[00:18:14] Amelia: Yeah, yeah totally.
[00:18:15] Cait: You did not like the taste.
[00:18:16] Amelia: That's so true.
[00:18:17] Cait: It's so...yeah, but I mean that's reason enough. That is a reason enough.
[00:18:23] Amelia: And I'm pretty sure... I mean, I've never seen his mom and dad drink.
[00:18:27] Cait: Wow.
[00:18:27] Amelia: So yeah, I don't think it was like something in their household.
[00:18:33] Cait: You know how freaking funny it is that I'm like, wow, like that's so rare.
[00:18:37] Amelia: I know.
[00:18:37] Cait: But I do think it'll get more and more common. The more people understand they have a choice in the matter.
[00:18:45] Amelia: Yeah.
[00:18:45] Cait: And you really do have a choice. It's up to you to drink and it's up to you to not drink.
[00:18:50] Amelia: Yeah.
[00:18:50] Cait: The power is really yours. Like I just see so many more people making the choice to step back from it and not have to deal with the juggling, and not have to deal with the experiments that you had to deal with, right? Like you have the option to just not.
[00:19:04] Amelia: Right, yeah.
[00:19:05] Cait: Not that it's always easy and not that it's always a first round thing, but so cool.
[00:19:12] Cait: And I love that you and I are both sober and we're friends. And funny story, Amelia and Sara met because they went out for the same role for a part, and Amelia got it. And we still friends.
[00:19:27] Amelia: I know, it's so funny.
[00:19:30] Cait: When we talk about goals. And like that you and Sara went out for the same role...
[00:19:37] Amelia: Mm-hmm.
[00:19:39] Cait: Just so funny. Can you tell us a little bit about like what you're doing and if you feel like in your career and the path that you're taking, I mean, you just shot something out of town for a month.
[00:19:52] Amelia: Mm-hmm.
[00:19:52] Cait: Were there any temptations? Does it ever cross your mind? And how do you navigate those?
[00:19:58] Amelia: So I feel like every day is a test.
[00:20:02] Cait: Yeah.
[00:20:03] Amelia: It was extremely, extremely stressful what we just did. We went to lake Arrowhead and shot a cute Christmas movie. Which sounds like it should be fun, but it was very stressful. And so there were moments where I was just like, I just wanna have a drink. You know, I just wanna have a drink and relax at the end of the day. But I was...
[00:20:23] Amelia: I am very lucky to be connected with the people that I'm connected with. The director of that film. We have very good friends and she knows about my struggles and she knows about what I've been through. And, so when I would say things like that, she would just be like, no, you don't, you know, even though she's a drinker, you know?
[00:20:41] Cait: Yeah.
[00:20:41] Amelia: And that was nice. It was nice to have someone who was like, who listened to me and supported me and wasn't pushing me to drink with her. Or, you know, doing all that which is like, I mean, back home it would be, oh yeah, just have a drink, you're fine.
[00:20:57] Cait: Right.
[00:20:58] Amelia: So it's nice to have people around that understand. And she has a daughter that has been through similar situations.
[00:21:06] Amelia: So I think it, it sort of like takes one to no one kind of thing.
[00:21:08] Cait: Yeah, absolutely.
[00:21:10] Amelia: And I think that's a really important part about the journey that you take is like having that support system around you. Not everyone has that. So I was lucky enough to have my family, my mom and my dad that, you know, they got me totally clean off drugs.
[00:21:27] Amelia: They got me, you know, helped me to get clean with alcohol. And, you know, so I was extremely lucky and not a lot of people have that. So you have to find those people in your life, whether it be like someone who is a psychologist or a psychiatrist or you know, a counselor or something. Find someone that is gonna help you and support you and push you in the right direction rather than like help you pull yourself back down.
[00:21:55] Cait: Yeah. I mean, I think that's so important and I think that it can feel pressure. There's a lot of pressure to like, have to ask for that support.
[00:22:06] Amelia: Yeah.
[00:22:06] Cait: And I will say that it is kind of a pressure thing. Like you have to figure out how to navigate who to ask, when to ask it.
[00:22:14] Amelia: Yes, totally.
[00:22:14] Cait: How do you say what you're feeling, what you're struggling with. It's a lot. But I have found, and you can tell me if you feel like this is true too. Once you get it out the first time, it does get easier to say it and articulate it down the line.
[00:22:36] Amelia: Totally. Yeah, you know, the more that you vocalize and communicate with people about how you're feeling and that it goes with anything. You know, like if you're having a bad day, you know, just letting people know you know, are close to you, oh, I'm having a bad day today, you know.
[00:22:53] Amelia: It's just always good to vocalize those things because if you don't speak them, then you try and fix them, if that makes sense. Like not fix. Fix is probably the wrong word. But like...
[00:23:04] Cait: Support.
[00:23:04] Amelia: Yeah.
[00:23:05] Cait: Support you. Yeah, absolutely. There are these, the website, Cearheaded.co, I've been, you know, adding things to the toolkit.
[00:23:14] Cait: And we found these like 80 cards of emotions, it's called like A Box of Emotions. You can get 'em on Amazon and they're for adults. And they're these cards that are categorized into different feelings. And then subsets of those feelings. And each card has like an 80 word definition or explanation of what that feeling is.
[00:23:37] Amelia: Yeah.
[00:23:37] Cait: And I just feel like it's such a good tool because when we're sober in the first stint of sobriety, you feel a lot.
[00:23:46] Amelia: Oh yeah.
[00:23:47] Cait: And yet a lot of it you don't understand.
[00:23:50] Amelia: Yeah.
[00:23:50] Cait: Like for me, I was having feelings I hadn't had since I was like a teenager.
[00:23:54] Amelia: Right.
[00:23:55] Cait: And how, like, you know how that came out as a teenager is just, ughh. But how it comes out as an adult in a relationship, it having a career can't come out in ughh.
[00:24:06] Amelia: Yeah.
[00:24:06] Cait: It has to come out in, I'm feeling unheard and I need you to listen to the specific detail. Otherwise I feel out of control. Like you have to get to a place of articulating, like you're saying.
[00:24:17] Amelia: Yeah.
[00:24:17] Cait: So I'll link that in the show notes, cuz it is a good thing. But now that I just said a tool, I'll wrap up with our final question, which is for anybody out there who is building their sober toolkit, what is a tool that you suggest?
[00:24:35] Amelia: Hmm. That's tough one.
[00:24:37] Cait: It's a hard one.
[00:24:37] Amelia: Yeah. I haven't really thought about it.
[00:24:39] Amelia: It can be a feeling,
[00:24:40] Cait: it can be a state, it could be a physical object. It can be whatever.
[00:24:43] Amelia: For me, the biggest tool that helped me with my recovery was to love myself. Learning how to love myself, learning how to love my true self. Not the self that I'd created and this idea of Amelia. You know, I was very hung up on what Amelia should be out in the world.
[00:25:03] Amelia: Like I love myself now, no matter what mistakes that I make, you know. No matter how outrageously loud I can be, you know. I just love myself now. And I love that I can...I'm a human. I can do absolutely everything that I want to do, you know. And I just have to trust my process and all that kind of stuff.
[00:25:28] Amelia: So yeah, definitely learning to love myself. And then also. Having a good support system is my tool.
[00:25:37] Cait: I love that. I love you.
[00:25:39] Amelia: Oh, I love you too.
[00:25:40] Cait: And you're my support system.
[00:25:42] Amelia: Oh, you're my support system too.
[00:25:43] Cait: Well, good. We got the tools then. Thank you so much.
[00:25:47] Amelia: Of course, thank you. Thank you for having me on. This is so awesome.
[00:25:50] Amelia: I'm so proud of you.
[00:25:52] Cait: Do you wanna enhance your sober care routine? Head to Clearheaded.co for tips, tricks tools, and more on this episode. And if you're someone who likes to watch podcasts, we are on YouTube. Clearheaded podcast is sponsored by Free Spirits. Head to drink freespirits.com and use code clearheaded20 for 20% off your first order.
[00:26:15] Cait: This episode was recorded at The Wave podcasting studios, and produced by Alexis Archuleta. All the music used was created by honeydu. Oh yeah, we have a Spotify playlist too. There's a lot to check out. Anyways. See you next week.